He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
