We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
