My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
