so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
