After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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