i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
