Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
