I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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