She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
