Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
