Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
FUCK WHALES
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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