Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
