You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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