these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
