It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
