I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
