goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
