Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
