i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
