I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
