oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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