Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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