I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no you cant smoke seaweed
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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