So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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