went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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