for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
