dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
