Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
