The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
