I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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