yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
