ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
