Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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