pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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