Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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