i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
