Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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