Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
