I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
