No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
