South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
