do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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