it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
