Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
