does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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