so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
