he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
