I want to stick my p in your. b.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
