Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
