The maid of honor just puked.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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