I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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