You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
