I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
